Is the 14th February your Valentine’s Day or just the anniversary of another year of deceit?
I was inspired to write this post as I walked through the City Centre of Cardiff on my way to the office to conduct a polygraph examination. The Valentine ’s Day reminders were in nearly every store window and with Infidelity examinations being one of the most popular test subjects, It bought the days appointment for an Infidelity test into a real life situation. As we approach the annual Valentine’s celebrations, businesses around the country are gearing up to supply all of the trappings that the festivities have evolved to include. Greetings Card shops, Jewellery stores, florists, lingerie shops and restaurants are all looking forward to a roaring trade.
The first recorded celebration of Valentine’s Day was in the year 496 AD. The celebration was named as such by the Pope Gelasius and is thought to have evolved from the Roman festival of Lupercalia, which celebrated the first coming of spring, including fertility rites and the pairing off of women with men by lottery. The anniversary in modern times is now when one partner expresses their love for the other or an
anonymous suitor sends a romantic verse to the one they desire, has developed into a multi-million business, facilitating the expression of love.
It can come as no surprise that another anniversary, celebrated on the 13th February and known as Mistress Day has also been identified as an annual occurrence. What that says about society today, I will leave for you to decide but what it does clearly evidence, is the fact that infidelity in relationships is rife and now with its own dedicated day of celebration, there are no signs of that changing.
I met with our client couple at our offices at Brunel House, Cardiff, CF240EB. Both the client who I will call Sandra and her partner, who I will call David, have been living together in Cardiff, for almost five years. Sandra was a full time mum to their three year old son and a part-time teacher in a local Cardiff school. David was a Head of Year at the same Cardiff school. Sandra was the first to start disclosing what the issues were that had led her to ask her partner to take a lie detector test. She stated that after the birth of her child she had suffered severely from Post Natal Depression, which had remained with her for most of the first three years of her son’s life. She was very honest and said that she knew that the depression had taken a toll on her relationship with her partner and that during that period she wanted very little to do with him or the baby on occasions and she knew he had felt unwanted and excluded from her world at the time.
It was only two years previously that she felt confident enough to return to her former Cardiff school and commence teaching part-time. There had been a considerable turnover of teaching staff in the time she had been away and as she wasn’t married to her partner and therefore their surnames were not the same, most of the new teachers did not know of her relationship with the schools head of year.
She had only been back at the Cardiff school a matter of weeks when one afternoon in a staff-room break, she was joined by two newly qualified teachers, one of whom was talking about her past relationship with the head of year. Sandra just sat there listening and exchanging forced nods and smiles as the teacher continued her story which basically branded the head of year as a serial adulterer who prayed on newly qualified female staff.
Feeling her world was collapsing around her, she continued through the school day in a state of shock, urging each minute to pass as quickly as it could so she could leave the school and escape to be alone. Later the same day David returned home and was met by a completely distraught Sandra who, through tears and sobbing accused David of lying to her. She wouldn’t tell him what he was supposed to have lied about, instead she just pleaded for him to tell her the truth.
David took over the story at this point as Sandra was clearly upset at reliving the events. David said that he had left the Cardiff school at the normal time but as he walked to the car park to meet Sandra for a lift home he found her car wasn’t there. He had phoned her but her mobile had been switched off and he was forced take a local Cardiff taxi home. He was concerned that he couldn’t contact Sandra but as soon as he walked in the house she started crying and screaming at him to tell her the truth but she wouldn’t tell him what he was supposed to have done.
The couple spit up on that night. Sandra packed Davids cases and put them on the footpath. David continued to plead his innocence but Sandra demanded that he leave and he eventually capitulated to defuse the situation. Since that evening the couple had regular contact so that David could see his son. Over the next ten or twelve weeks the couple had started talking to each other again, not just to arrange parental access but about the different things that couples with a house have to discuss. David continued to
deny that he had done anything wrong and after one more conversation on the topic, still ignorant of what he had allegedly done, Sandra told him the story she had overheard from the newly qualified teacher.
David restrained a laugh when he related this part of the story and then went on to explain that there was more than one head of year at the Cardiff school and one of those was well known for chasing the new female staff. I simply couldn’t believe that I had been kicked out of my house for something I have never done, kept away from my son and partner, it was absolutely crazy. We sat down and I told Sandra that I had never been unfaithful to her and never would; she agreed to accept that on condition I pass a polygraph test and that why we are here.
I conducted a test on David and he was clearly having problems when asked if he had ever had sexual intercourse with anyone other than his present partner during their relationship. When I asked if there was something he was not telling me, he eventually admitted having a one night relationship with a student during the time he was in his last year as a student at Cardiff University. Sandra was called back into our Cardiff office and David and I explained what had happened so far, his problem during the test and his additional disclosure. Sandra agreed that this one incident should be excluded from the test although she was openly sceptical of Davids motives.
The test questions were amended to exclude this relationship, which was in the same week that he first met Sandra and David passed the test. He told me afterwards that his suitcases were in his car ready for him to go home.
If you have relationship concerns in this lottery of love then please feel free to contact us on 0203 965 1755 for a free telephone consultation. Don’t let lies spoil your Valentine’s Day.